Sunday, January 23, 2011

The everyman's guide to bar etiquette

I bartend for a living. It's a decent way to make a living while I figure out the rest of my life. I'd like to offer some advice in hopes that you have better bar experiences in your future.

1) Have a go-to drink. Bourbon and ginger, scotch and soda, vodka cranberry, Budweiser - it doesn't matter. It should be simple.

2) Know what you want before you grab the bartender's attention. Nothing is more annoying than being grabbed at a busy bar from a patron that does not know what they want.

3) There's a time and a place for complicated drinks. We're more than happy to make you an old fashioned or a Vesper martini, but if it's shoulder to shoulder inside, keep it simple. We've got other people to worry about.

4) Tip. You do not have to tip extravagantly. One dollar per drink is standard. Two if you make us muddle something. Tips are how we make a living, and the bartender remembers who tips and who does not. If you do not tip, the bartender will be slower getting back to you or may outright ignore you.

5) Tip above and beyond and you will get drinks for free. I promise.

6) Throughout the course of the night, bartenders are bought a lot of drinks and shots. This is a nice gesture and we appreciate it. However, never do this in lieu of tipping.

7) If you order a really obscure shot or cocktail, be prepared to tell us what it is. We have good memories but we don't know everything.

8) The best way to get served quickly at a bar is to be patient. I know this seems counter-intuitive. Make polite eye contact and have your money or credit card out.

9) Don't wave your credit card or money at us. Don't reach your hand further over the bar to get our attention. If you're reaching behind the bar with a $20 in your hand, we will assume it is a tip for us.

10) On busy nights, we have at least five drink orders in our heads at all times. Don't yell a drink order when you haven't been acknowledged. It's the equivalent of trying to do math while someone yells numbers at you.

11) The bar fruit tray is not your personal buffet.

12) If it is busy, try to avoid opening and closing a tab for one drink.

13) A kamikaze is vodka and lime juice. A SoCo kamikaze is called a SoCo and lime. A bourbon and lime juice is disgusting.

14) Know your limit, especially if the bar is a place you frequent. It is one thing to embarrass yourself somewhere where you'll never be seen again. It is another to embarrass yourself night after night in the same place.

15) Conduct yourself as a gentleman (or lady) at all times.

16) If you want to follow none of this advice, just go out on Halloween, New Year's Eve and St Patrick's Day. Those are the amateur drinking holidays and you'll be in good company.

Follow this advice and you will have a better bar experience every time. I promise.

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